I still can't talk about feelings but She kept digging. She knew
this was an important date for me. The first time I had asked
a woman out since Kaye
disappeared in Berkeley
five years ago.
So here I
am in Los Angeles, talking on the phone
with Nina about my big date. Nina wants to know my
feelings about the Czech.
I told her that during the date, all of my feelings revolved around
the question, "Where's Kaye?" as if a stream coursing
silently through every moment. I told her that a familiar touch,
a certain sound would cause me to turn around and notice the wrong
face close to mine, bringing that confused moment, the quick panic
" The Question" "Where's Kaye?".
I told Nina
that, while no longer a great black void, "The Question"
remains a sharp glass shadow. It still cuts. I could not tell
Nina that the only thing which kept those moments from ripping
me apart was the idea of getting home to call Nina. I couldn't
tell her how much I needed her to give me an answer. How to make